how about both? :(

let's rest for today. no revision. maybe some at night. 

somehow, i kinda stop believing in love. no guy would find you perfect.
they don't want love. they care less about that. so why must i 
chase love. why do i need to bother about it. or maybe it's just that
i'm not mature enough, and im just not ready to accept it.

i wish there was still a happy ending. :(

 

so think alright. i treasure those words. hope you treasure them too. 
:)

yes, all this feelings is buried deep within.

i've got lots on my mind. with studies. and some other
stuffs. it's hectic, yes. 

maybe i'm getting more sensitive to what goes on around me.
it's just a feeling i can't push away. and i guess, i've learn how to
ignore all this negative thoughts and vibrations around me.

there's nothing i can do to demolish them. so it's best to shut them
off. it's as though i'm running away from all this trouble. but for now, 
this is probably the best way. to shut up, and ignore. 

sometimes people take me for granted. just because i laugh all
the time and can't stop joking around. i'm fine when you joke around with
me, and do all the stupid stuffs. but please, not to the extend of 
kicking my back with your shoes on, literally. 

it's just disrespectful to do that. i know i present myself as a carefree person.
 but that doesn't mean that i can't be taken seriously. 
'cause even a person like me have feelings too. and it hurts. but i choose
to keep all this anger. cause it'll bring more harm. 

all this boils down to one thing. silence. for now, it's the best way. and
till i find the right solution, this would be it. a silent treatment.

so yeah. what on earth is your fucking problem. why
can't you stop talking about me?! hello ! if you've got a 
problem with me, just say it. like stop saying things and 
pissing me off behind my back. once or twice, i'll take
 it as a joke. but more then that, well, you can go fuck yourself.

go and get something better to do. besides chatting about
other people in msn. seriously, you're not a genius. so a
suggestion, pick up a  book and start reading. study and get 
4.0 GPA. the minute you're a genius, you can say whatever 
you want. WHATEVER you want. right now, your brain is
not fully filled with information. so go and fill it first. 

**

so tell me. how can one feel so great at one moment of her life.
and suddenly, everything turns the opposite way the next 
moment. she thought that today would be one of the better
days in her life. and as the day comes to an end, it seems like 
it won't be that way. and somehow today would be one of those days
where she would just take as a normal day. 

a day where all the attention that was given to her, turns out to be
BULLSHIT attention. 

a day where the people she knows, talk stuff behind her.

a day where she realises that all this BULLSHIT must stop. cause
it's giving her a heart pain. 

a day where she sees that some people just never grow up. never
change. and never will.

a day where all her good impressions of that particular person would
go down the hill just because of a hideous mistake.

a day where she would go to bed thinking that she was the 
unluckiest person on earth to be granted friends like them.

**

it's killing me inside. and somehow, i believe that no one will
know that this pain exist. 

 
Let's be true to ourselves from now till forever. (:

seriously. first you post something on my wall. and heck,
you didn't reply. second, it was as if, that post was just some
random act.

please people. don't post something on my wall when you
don't mean what you say. cause i'll be the one suffering. i'd have
to think and interpret what on earth you're trying to tell me by
posting that on my wall. so, thanks ehk.

besides, i should have known better.

**

CEL 2.1 is absolutely, confirm, 100%, killing my brain cells,
helen's brain cells, katham's brain cells, swee yee's brain cells,
wan zhen's brain cells and crystal's brain cells.

it's a fucked up project. :)

all said and done. goodnight ! 

 Just because she makes fun of herself,
doesn’t mean she’s completely comfortable with herself.

Just because she walks alone to class,
doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any friends.

Just because people talk about her,
doesn’t mean she likes it.

Just because she laughs all the time,
doesn’t make her annoying.

Just because she gets a lot of attention,
doesn’t mean she is an attention freak.

Just because she gets things from her parents,
doesn’t mean she is a spoiled brat.

Just because she is a daydreamer,
doesn’t mean she never pays attention.

Just because she jokes around all the time,
doesn’t mean she can’t be taken seriously.

Just because she smiles all the time,
doesn’t mean she’s happy.

Just because she’s quiet sometimes,
doesn’t mean she is sad.

Just because she tries her hardest,
doesn’t mean its gonna pay off.

Just because she is called names for saying something dumb or being annoying,
doesn’t mean she can keep taking it.

she is me. 

CEL 2.1 is killing my brain cells. like seriously. stupid PBL. how
can you tackle something that you havent study? wahh. die la. 

so much for wanting 4.0 for this sem. must work hard. and it's 
tough. like seriously. 

and had first assignment for psychology, which was super tough to do. i'm
seriously hoping that the lecturer would be nice enough to give me high 
marks for it. which is pretty much, no hope.

hais. i'm trying my best to work hard and all the yadayada stuffs. but it's 
really tough to do. nevertheless, i'll try. i will. :D

let's just say, i've stopped caring about what others think of me.
so yeah, go and form your stereotypes, blablabla. i don't care. 

so long.

no matter how hard i try to shut all the hatred, it's still there. and sometimes
i hate myself for being me. for being this really outspoken annoying
girl. i know that, i bring joy to the group at times. but it's pretty much the opposite
most of the time. so tell me, should i change my ways?

am i not good enough? which part is lacking? it's confusing, and simply
tough. sometimes i feel that i'm the one at fault. that all the fights
happen cause of me. maybe it's something i said. or maybe it's just
my facial expression and the way i react to my surroundings.

i try to be more positive. and just zone out all this thoughts. but sometimes,
this little little things get to me. and it hurts.

and i've realised that i've stopped caring about my heart. it's like, i just
can't be bothered to be looking around and finding the one. the one that
would be a companion to me.

if you love him, let him go. and if he comes back, its meant to be. this
is probably the sentence that i'm holding dear to my heart.

i know i've changed in certain ways. it's not a great thing to bear
grudges. but heck, it's hard to forget.

all that's left right now is to wish. i wish that things would be better. wayy
better than it was before. i want a longer and lasting friendship. a
friendship that would stay true despite the hurdles. i wish that i'd meet
someone special. though i feel that it's not necessary to do so.

i always pray that things would go the way i want them to be. that all
the hurdles in my path would be removed. and there isn't any barrier preventing
me to achieve my dreams.

and choi minho, it's been awhile. i think, it's because of other commitments
that i have. but i do think of you. always look at your pictures. and sometimes,
it hurts deep inside. i'm not denying it. but i'll love. i've promised. :)